Culture and Nostalgia

Yesterday I happened to be in a grocery store. I noticed a woman, perhaps in her late forties, with a male companion - perhaps husband? - who appeared to be a decade or so her junior. The woman had numerous piercings and tattoos. Her gentleman companion had a Mohawk hair-do. They both appeared to be under the influence of some substance or another. Lots of giggling, dropping things, etc.

Within an aisle or two I chanced upon a mother and son. Mother was approximately my age (60's). They were arguing. He wanted her to hurry up. She cursed him with the "F" word and told him to leave - she would walk home. The conversation ensued for awhile, with Mom & son each cursing the other, as I meandered out of ear-shot. Most of the customers were Hispanic and there were many small children around.

Later in the afternoon I watched the news on TV. One of the noteworthy items was that apparently voters in North Carolina had affirmed the definition of "marriage" as a union between a man and a woman. There was much controversy and discussion, back and forth. Apparently the President of the United States had come out publicly in favor of the newer definition.
In this morning's newspaper there was a short item about the political leaders of France, their divorces, marriages, concubines, etc. It was quite confusing.
In our contemporary American culture none of the aforementioned characters, behaviors, etc. is particularly noteworthy. Admittedly, my amateur sociological or anthropological observations are judgmental to some degree. The relationship between the pierced, tattooed, intoxicated middle aged woman and her younger companion cannot be known for sure. They could have been aunt and nephew, or simply neighbors. So I have made assumptions. I mention the Hispanic families and the small children, assuming that most are of the Catholic Faith, in traditional, intact families, working class. [These assumptions are based on the particular neighborhood.] At any rate, it saddens me that in a market, during the afternoon hours, one can encounter a drunken couple laughing and cavorting, a grandmotherly type using really filthy language, echoed by her son's retorts, and then check the media and find a debate as to what a marriage is, and read a brief article categorizing the various marriages, adulteries, divorces, and companionships of world leaders.

I grew up in a devout Catholic household in the 1950's and '60's, in a working-class neighborhood in Queens. I am sure that there were alcoholics, including housewives. One did not encounter them in public in a state of intoxication. In fact, any adult appearing in public in an intoxicated state would have been remarkable to say the least. Indeed, sobriety was a matter that concerned more than chemical use. The "F" word was never uttered in public. In fact, I recall occasions when men were ejected from taverns because their language was indecent. I honestly never heard a woman use that particular word until I was well into my twenties. I never heard my mother swear. Adults who did swear would not do so in public and would not tolerate their children using such language. In my immediate neighborhood there wasn't a single divorced person. Every child on my block was born to a married couple. Those who were siblings had the same mommy and daddy. Pornography was unknown and, at any rate, unavailable. Every Dad worked and supported his family. Many Moms also worked outside of the house. Every family I ever knew ate their meals together.

Certainly all the "modern" issues existed back then. But the culture sustained a level of decent behavior. This is no longer the case: Celebrities having children out of wedlock are celebrated. Divorces and multiple marriages are commonplace. Indecent behavior - even in public - is unobjectionable. Tolerance and license have replaced respect. Mind your own business. I'm okay, you're okay. Whatever floats your boat. Live and let live. These are the virtues that govern contemporary American society.
The difference is Faith.
Though most people I knew as a child were active members of a church or synagogue, there were some who did not. But they showed a distinct respect for their neighbors of Faith. Belonging to "the Church" was essential and was a life-long condition. One might "skip" Mass occasionally, but it was a glaring exception. If one happened inadvertently to eat meat on Friday it was cause for embarrassment. Contrary to oft-cited anti-Catholic anecdotes, the Bible was prominently displayed and available for reading. Family prayer was regular, though rote and ritualistic. But the saying of Father Peyton that "the family that prays together stays together" was taken seriously. In our parish church there were six Masses every Sunday, and devotional services every Tuesday and Wednesday night - all well-attended. Modest attire was standard - everywhere.

The same standards existed for our Jewish and other neighbors. The bottom line was that we - and society at large - recognized God. We differed in belief from one another, but respected the worship and observances proper to each group. God was feared, and our relations with one another reflected that reverence. Society recognized that there were obligations and commandments. Sadly, this attitude has yielded to a selfish and subjective and inconsiderate model, based too often on "what seems right to Me." I know that we cannot return. And I admit that things are not necessarily as rosy was we remember them. But we can return to the practice of our Faith, meaning, we can commit to making our Faith the basis and standard of our life, unapologetic, seriously and starting with ourselves.